


A Teacher's Guilt

by RyanoftheAbyss



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/M, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 13:29:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyanoftheAbyss/pseuds/RyanoftheAbyss
Summary: Ryuji and Ann are forced into a study session when they encounter Kawakami. From there they learn a truth about her that neither ever expected.





	A Teacher's Guilt

Guilt. A powerful emotion capable of destroying people from the inside out. Those who suffer from great amounts of guilt could find themselves falling ill as it worsens over time. For some, however, it could even grow further than that...  
  
It was a rather quiet afternoon as another day at Shujin Academy had come to a close. As per usual a multitude of students shuffled their way out of the building to do whatever they planned that day. For two particular teens, however, that whole idea was lost to them for one reason.  
  
They were stuck in the library studying.  
  
"Uuuuugh...! Why the hell are we here again...?" Groaned Ryuji Sakamoto as he leaned his head on one of the library tables. Clearly rather displeased at the fact that his afternoon plans had been derailed by the fact he was stuck at school of all places. The only positive he found being the blonde sitting across from him.   
  
"You know why. Makoto said we both need to study for this next exam or we'll be in huge trouble." Ann Takamaki explained while opening up her textbook. While she didn't admit it aloud, she was rather annoyed to be stuck at school as well. She had planned to do some shopping when their brown-haired second in command approached them and told the duo they needed to study. They had argued for a little bit but after a glare from Queen, they found themselves without many options.  
  
Ryuji all the while just groaned more before looking up at the fellow blonde. "It ain't even that big a deal. Not like these shitty teachers will even acknowledge if we do well... What's Makoto even gonna do if we don't study?" Ryuji asked as he hadn't heard what Makoto told Ann before she left for the day. Still questioning why she wasn't tutoring them if she wanted them to study. Before he could question that however, he noticed Ann shiver in fear.  
  
"Some of the teachers DO care Ryuji. Well... At least one I know does... A-and Makoto said if we don't study... we'll each have to do sparring practice with her and Joker all day tomorrow..."  
  
"Huh? That don't sound too-"  
  
"Against them BOTH at the same time."   
  
The instant those words left Ann's lips, Ryuji's entire body grew cold. A shiver of fear overtaking the boy as he thought those words over carefully. Sparring with Joker and Queen separately in the Metaverse was terrifying one on one. But to face them BOTH at the same time? Ryuji in that moment pulled out all his materials to study as if his life depended on it. As it actually might at this rate...  
  
Time passed by slowly for the duo as they did their best to study their notes and materials. Using the flashcard method that Makoto taught them only for the duo to groan in annoyance. They were bored...  
  
"Ugh, I can't handle this! The heck was Queen thinkin' havin' us just study like this? Where is she anyway?" Ryuji asked while closing one of his books. Turning to Ann who sighed at the question.  
  
"I'm pretty sure Ren took her out on a date today. Apparently, she wanted to refuse but he simply carried her off or something like that." Ann explained, not really sure how their leader survived doing such a thing. Ryuji looking at her somewhat annoyed before sighed loudly.  
  
"Screw this then. We clearly ain't focusin' here. So... how about a scene change?" Ryuji asked the natural blonde who raised a brow at him. Remembering that all Makoto said was that they needed to study their material today. She never DID specify that they HAD to stay in the library. The duo's lips curling into mischievous matching smiles.   
  
"Shibuya diner?"  
  
"Let's hit it!"  
  
Without hesitation, the two packed up their stuff and left the library to head out. As they entered the hallway however they were greeted by a familiar individual. One that the duo knew quite well.  
  
"Sakamoto? Takamaki? You two are still here?" Questioned a single individual as she was walking down the hall; her eyes catching the two as they left the library. For in front of the two stood Sadayo Kawakami, Ann and Ren's homeroom teacher. The brown-haired woman standing in her usual attire as she glanced at the two standing there. "Shouldn't you both be heading home?"  
  
"Oh um, yeah. We were just heading out Sensei. Just wanted to get some studying done, ehehe." Ann chuckled a little nervously. Ryuji standing by her with hands in pockets as the woman looked at them a bit skeptical. As if not believing Ann's statement. Ryuji about to question the brunette but she spoke before he could.  
  
"Right... And Sakamoto, shouldn't you be dying your hair back to black soon? You wouldn't want the other teachers to call you out on it any further." Kawakami said with a strange exhaustion in her voice. Ann taking note of something odd as Kawakami spoke. She seemingly refused to meet either of their eyes. As if ashamed to do so.  
  
Ryuji meanwhile frowned at the teacher. "I'll think about it..." He mumbled softly as a reply. Part of him wanted to fight back against the woman, but Ren had requested that he showed Kawakami some respect. Though he will admit that Ann's reply a moment later did make him feel a little better.  
  
"I think he looks fine with blonde hair..." Whether Ann meant to internally think that or not didn't matter at that point. Her cheeks softly flushed while Ryuji felt his own do the same. The male rubbing the back of his neck nervously before sighing.   
  
"We done here Sensei? The two of us gotta study an' it's getting late y'know," reasoned the boy as he tried to get them out of there. While doing so however both Ann and himself began to notice a few things about the teacher in front of them. Mainly her physical state.  
  
Kawakami had always seemed somewhat small and thin, but she looked somewhat smaller than usual. Her skin was also devoid of color and her eyes a bit misty. Both blondes noticing the way her hands seemed to tremble slightly even as she held a few papers within them. "R-right. Y-you two should... should get... on home..." Kawakami's words cut out a bit as if she was having trouble speaking. Both Ryuji and Ann looking a bit concerned at that.  
  
"Um Kawakami-sensei, i-is everything okay?" Ann questioned her teacher who jumped a little at being called by name. The brunette, in turn, gave them a weak smile and chuckled softly.  
  
"O-Of course. Simply didn't get enough sleep last night. Now off you two, head on home." Kawakami stated before making her way past them towards one of the Faculty Rooms. Both Ryuji and Ann gazing back at Kawakami as she rounded the corner out of sight. Ryuji rubbing the back of his neck while Ann rubbed her arm.  
  
"H-hey... Thanks for sayin' that..." Ryuji said to Ann who looked at him a little confused at first. Her cheeks flaring to life a bit as she realized she had truly said the thing about his hair aloud. Turning away with flushed cheeks she pouted as she tried to regain her own composure.   
  
"I-I was just saying the truth, t-that's all... A-anyway we should get goi-" Ann tried to finish before the sound of something falling filled both their ears. It was faint, but due to their heightened senses as Persona users, they were able to pick it up. Both turned to realize... it was in the direction that Kawakami was walking. The teens looking to one another before they rushed off.  
  
What they found was a sight neither of them expected. Splayed on the floor was Kawakami herself; papers all over the place as she laid on her front. Arms flat out and head tilted to the side with eyes shut. Both Ryuji and Ann gasping at the sight as they rushed to her side. Confusion evident on their faces upon reaching the brunette.  
  
"Sensei? Kawakami-sensei!" Ann cried out while trying to shake the teacher awake. Ryuji rolling the woman onto her back only to see her chest barely rise up. Her breathing was shallow and weak; as if she was losing the ability to do so as time went on. Her entire body was coated with a thin layer of sweat and skin somehow even paler than before. The duo looking to one another in shock at her state. "N-nurse's office! S-she should still be here right?!" Ann asked Ryuji who was quick to nod.  
  
Without any hesitation, Ryuji placed one arm under the woman's knees with the other arm cupping around her back. Quick to lift her up only to feel his eyes widen at the feeling. Ryuji looking down at Kawakami's face in sheer shock at what he was able to tell from just lifting her once. This was-  
  
"Ryuji!"  
  
"R-right!" The boy cried out before they went on the move. As they rushed to the Nurse's office Ann's phone began to ring. The blonde instinctively picking up and answering with a sharp "hello!?"  
  
"A-Ann it's Makoto. Sorry to call so suddenly but I wanted to see how you two were holding up-"  
  
"Makoto not now! Punish us if you want but we got an emergency here!" Ann replied while walking alongside Ryuji.   
  
"W-what happened-"  
  
"Kawakami sensei fainted suddenly so now we're taking her to the nurse. Listen I know we promised to study bu-"  
  
"Wait, hold on! Kawakami-sensei fainted!? Where did- R-Ren what are you-?!" Ann listened in as Makoto was cut off during her talk. About to question what was going on when the voice of their leader was heard from the receiver.  
  
"Ann, what happened?" Ren's voice was strangely a lot more serious than normal. Ann wasn't sure why but it made her a little nervous before she replied.  
  
"W-we were just in the hallway when Sensei suddenly fainted. We are taking her to the Nurse's office so-"  
  
"We'll be right there." With that one sentence, Ren hung up the phone leaving Ann looking quite confused. Shaking that off she decided to focus on the task at hand before she continued keeping pace with Ryuji.  
  
~@~  
  
Luck was on the side of the two blondes as they arrived at the Nurse's office but a minute before she was about to leave. One look from her at Kawakami had the older woman giving various orders to the two in order to check up on the teacher. Ryuji and Ann soon finding themselves standing on the sidelines while the nurse examined the younger teacher.  
  
It was a few minutes later that the woman asked both of them to keep an eye out on Kawakami while she went to take care of a few things. Telling them to call her if anything happened, thus leaving the two sitting in chairs next to the bed where Kawakami laid. Her eyes still shut tight and breathing still a bit strained.  Ryuji unable to stop the tapping of his leg while Ann was fiddling with her hair nervously.  
  
"Damn it...! What the hell is up with this?!" Ryuji said in frustration before kicking the ground a bit. "Why the hell would she...?" Ryuji cut himself off before grumbling something under his breath.   
  
"Ryuji...?"  
  
"...Ann... would you consider yourself to be underweight?" The question caught Ann a bit off guard. Looking a bit angry at being asked about her weight, only to see a look of concern in the boy's eyes. Instead of retaliating, she decided to comply to his question.  
  
"...I wouldn't say I'm heavily underweight. But... my doctor did say I was a few pounds under the norm for my height. Why?" She asked in honest curiosity. Wondering what in the world her weight had to do with the situation at hand. Ryuji taking a moment to stand up and get closer to Kawakami. After pulling the blanket on her down a bit he reached the bottom of her shirt and began to roll it up somewhat. "Ryuji! What the hell are you... do... ing...?" Ann began to yell only for her voice to go quiet. Hands finding their way over her mouth in shock at what she saw.  
  
They had known that Kawakami was skinny- that much was obvious. But what they saw left the two with a sickening churn in their guts. Able to see that the woman was clearly not the way she should have been. Her stomach so thin and lacking very little weight to it. To the point, they could actually see her ribs in the outline of her stomach. This was beyond underweight.   
  
"She's malnourished to the point her body mass is far from what it should be. Figured that was the case when I picked her up. Bein' on the track team you learn a few things about body mass and weight. Since I've carried you a few times here and there, I was able to figure out that she was way too light to carry around compared to you, when you two should be around the same weight." Ryuji stated as he remembered everything from his time on the track team. How to measure someone's weight and feel out if they were in the right weight class or not.    
  
Ann about to comment on the sight as Ryuji rolled down the woman's shirt, only to see her begin to stir. Both gasping as they saw Kawakami's eyes open somewhat. The brown-haired teacher looking at them only for the duo to realize something.  
  
Her eyes were unfocused and rather glossy. As if she was in a trance-like state as she weakly gazed at the two, not fully aware of herself from the looks of it. "S-Sakamoto...? T-Takamaki...?" She mumbled weakly while gazing at the two through glazed over eyes. Ryuji and Ann quick to get closer and try to reassure the teacher that things would be okay.  
  
"H-Hey Sensei. A-are you alright...?" Ann questioned after a little bit while looking at the woman. Kawakami blinking a few times before she did something rather unexpected. She let out a soft sob. "S-Sensei? W-what's-"  
  
"Takamaki... I-I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." Kawakami began to speak weakly by apologizing to Ann. The blonde pair finding themselves extremely confused as Ann wanted to question it, but Kawakami cut her off. "I'm so sorry that you had to suffer from that, that bastard Kamoshida... I-I should have known something was wrong. I should have protected my students, but you suffered so much because... because I was weak... I'm so sorry..." Kawakami said as tears began to roll down her face.  
  
To say the two were surprised by what they were hearing would have been an understatement. While Ann had not been particularly close to Kawakami, she felt as though the teacher did honestly care about her students. Yet to see her start crying over her being sexually harassed by Kamoshida months after the incident had left her stunned silent. It took her a moment to finally respond to the teacher who kept quietly crying and apologizing. "S-sense i-it's not your fault. N-no one knew and-"  
  
"That doesn't matter... I'm your teacher... I-I should have been there to help you... I'm... so sorry..." Once more the brunette apologized through tears as Ryuji and Ann only found themselves more and more confused. The latter figuring that maybe Kawakami was in such a delirious state that she was letting down all her guards. It would explain her eyes being so glossy- unsure if she was even aware of what she was saying. Ann still unsure how to react until Ryuji spoke up.  
  
"Oi Sensei r-relax would ya? You're makin' us a little uncomfortable here-"  
  
"Sakamoto... Oh god, Sakamoto... What have I done to you...?" Ryuji was sure Ann was able to see how tensed up he got as the woman's focus shifted from her to him. Confusion evident on his face while rubbing the back of his neck nervously. About to question what she was on about but he didn't get the chance as she kept going. "I... I thought you were bad. I thought... that you were just a troublemaker... but... but you were another victim of that bastard. A-and I let his lies work on me... You suffered so much from that piece of shit, and all I did was watch. Even if you're not my student, you still needed help... and I ignored you. Please forgive me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Sakamoto... I'm sorry Takamaki... I'm sorry Takase... I'm so sorry..."  
  
Neither Ryuji nor Ann ever expected something like this to occur. They had been surprised to see her faint, but this? This was way beyond belief. This woman felt guilty about the two of them dealing with Kamoshida and all the stuff that came from it. She seemed to actually blame herself for not being by their sides to help them. To the point, it broke her down in tears.   
  
The two were left utterly speechless as the teacher before them simply kept crying and apologizing nonstop. Unable to do a thing as she cried herself to sleep; Ann taking a few tissues and wiping the woman's face of the tears that stained her cheeks. Neither of them really sure how to react to all this. Not expecting the woman to be so consumed by guilt...  
  
Their thoughts were interrupted as the door was thrown open. Both turning to see Ren standing there breathing heavily. From the looks of it, he had run a bit of the way to the school as he rushed into the Nurse's office without even saying hello. Quick to kneel next to the teacher and place a hand on her forehead. Makoto arriving a moment later before rushing to the others.   
  
"...God damn it..." Ren muttered under his breath before standing up. Able to feel the stares from his girlfriend and companions as they looked at him in concern. The dark-haired youth taking one of the chairs next to the bed and sitting himself down. Slouched a bit forward with his hands cupped together in front of his face. The others all looking on at their leader before Makoto took a seat next to him.   
  
"Ren...?"  
  
"Yo boss, why do you seem so flustered about this...?" Ryuji questioned to his best friend. Ren all the while trying to regain his breath from running too much. Taking a long breath while turning his eyes to his teammates.  
  
"This... this is the second time she's fainted. At least to my knowledge." The three fellow Thieves gasped a little at their leader who sighed. Realizing what he was about to do... but he couldn't hide it forever. "Kawakami's been working as a maid for a while now. I accidentally discovered it a bit after Madarame's Palace. So I've hired her a few times..." Ren started until he felt a chill in the air. The others all turned to see Makoto looking at him with narrowed eyes; clearly displeased from what she was hearing. Ren raising his arms in surrender. "Before you kill me, hear me out."  
  
From there Ren explained everything. About how Kawakami was helping him with certain tasks including making lockpicks and such. The others all listening in while wondering if Makoto was going to kill Ren for hiring a maid. After the story of everything, however, the others just fell silent. Ann being the one to finally break the silence.  
  
"So... she's working herself to death for her old student? That... that's so sad..." Ann muttered weakly with pity in her voice. Looking on at their teacher as she rested quietly- the crying had stopped after she passed out again. Ren meanwhile just sighed as he looked down to the floor.  
  
"I tried getting the names of those two abusing her so we could take care of them. But, she has been adamant about keeping it quiet. And the only time she actually said them I was far too angry to focus on it." Ren admitted to his shame. Only for Makoto to rub her hand against his back and tell him it was okay. The others all looking at their leader in concern.  
  
"She... apologized to Ann and me for not being helpful against Kamoshida," Ryuji stated which made Makoto look at them wide-eyed. "She started crying and everything. Shit man, did you know about this? That she felt guilty about that?" Ryuji asked of Ren who quietly nodded a few moments later. Ryuji gritting his teeth before gazing at the unconscious teacher. "...Ren... get those names. We're taking those bastards out."  
  
"Agreed. I want to make them pay for making her suffer..." Ann chimed in with a pissed off expression. Clearly rather infuriated at the idea of Kawakami suffering so much from those two.   
  
"...That's the plan-" Ren started before they all heard a soft mumble. The group of four turned to see Kawakami weakly sit up while rubbing her eyes a bit. Taking a moment to compose herself before noticing the teens at her side.   
  
Ever so quietly Kawakami gazed around and saw each individual standing there. Questioning inwardly why in the world they were by her bedside, only to realize something. She was in the nurse's office at school. Which could only mean she had fainted again. Kawakami letting out a soft groan as she figured they must have found her wherever she fainted. Meaning she had only one option- make up an excuse.  
  
"O-oh. Hello everyone. Seems I was so tired I conked out again. Whoops. Did you bring me to the nurse's office, Sakamoto? T-there was no real need for that-" Kawakami started before the others all looked at her with solid expressions. Clearly not listening to any excuses she made for her condition. "W-well look at the time. I really need to get back to work and-"  
  
Kawakami moved to stand only for Ann and Makoto to walk over and push her back onto the bed. Forcing her to sit while she tried to stand back up. The brunette about to question what they were doing only to see Ren reach into his own bag and pull out what appeared to be another bag. This one having the logo of Big Bang Burger on it. Kawakami blinking in surprise until the young man stood and dropped the bag into her hands.  
  
"Eat." Was all that Ren said while glaring down at the woman. The latter blinking a few times before she looked down at the bag and shook her head.  
  
"I-I'm not hungry. But I do appreciate the-"  
**  
"EAT."** The four teens said in unison, in turn shocking Kawakami a bit. The teacher blinking a few times as she saw they were not going to back down on this. Thus she quietly opened the bag and began to slowly eat. Feeling a slight blush on her cheeks as her students were watching her eat like hawks watching their young.  
  
It was a short time later- Ryuji and Ren left to grab some drinks- that Kawakami finished the meal. She didn't admit it aloud but it was the best meal she had eaten in some time. So used to eating ramen cups for so long she had almost forgotten how other foods tasted. Wiping her brow before turning to Ann who sat there after explaining how Ryuji and herself found her out cold in the hallway.   
  
"I appreciate you two helping me out here, but you can all start heading home. I was just a little tired and lightheaded is all. I'm perfectly fine now." Kawakami stated with a weak smile. Clearly trying to appear strong for her students but it was not working. Ann and Makoto far too informed of what she was going through, even though Kawakami wasn't aware they knew about her other job. Ann wanted to speak only for Makoto to tap her on the shoulder and shake her head.  
  
"We'll be going then sensei. Be sure to listen to the nurse please and we shall check up on you tomorrow." Makoto said before bowing to the teacher. Ann wanted nothing more than to argue that idea but the look in Makoto's eyes told her it was best to head out. Thus the blonde bowed to her teacher before heading out as well. Able to hear a small "thank you" escape the older woman's lips before they left the room.   
  
The two girls left and met up with Ren and Ryuji a few minutes later. All of them feeling somewhat somber about the whole thing before Ren sighed loudly. "I'll get the names from her. For now guys please don't say anything to the others. She wanted me to keep this a secret after all." Ren asked the others who all nodded in understanding. "Thanks. For now, let's just- OWOWOWOW!" Ren was about to finish speaking but was interrupted by Makoto grabbing him by the ear and began to pull.  
  
"You and I need to have a chat about hiring a MAID behind my back," Makoto said with a glare in her eyes. Ryuji and Ann feeling their entire bodies stiffen in sheer fear at how pissed off the brunette looked. Ren gritting his teeth in pain as the girl began to drag him off.  
  
"M-Makoto come on it's not like that! Owowow!" The boy cried out as he was dragged away by his girlfriend. The two blondes standing by realizing that they had likely been saved from Queen's wrath of not studying thanks to Ren's little secret. All actual thoughts of studying washed away by ones of Kawakami.  
  
"Hey Ryuji...?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Mind if we go and get some stuff for Kawakami-sensei? I think... she probably doesn't have much food at her house..."  
  
"...Fine by me." Without any resistance, the two began to head out together. Their thoughts on the teacher who was clearly far harder on herself than need be, and the bastards who were hurting her so.  
  
'We'll make them pay.' With that thought, the two left the school. Not knowing as Kawakami fell back to sleep with a soft smile on her face. Her heart a little warmer knowing she had students who cared.

**Author's Note:**

> Random idea that friend brought up the other day. A little headcanon we had was Kawakami feeling guilty for not being there for Ann or Ryuji when they needed someone to help. Thus this little story came to be. After all she feels great guilt for Takase, so why not expand it a bit? Sorry Kawakami.


End file.
